Movie Review - The Guardian

The Guardian

1990

The Cast

When Phil (Brown) and Kate (Lowell) fall pregnant after buying a new house they decide to hire a nanny for when the baby is born.  Unfortunately, their first choice is killed by a hit and run driver while she's on a bike ride.  Though, luckily for them, the agency send round a replacement.  Camilla (Seagrove) is a stunning English nanny who is only too happy to look after baby Jake... any time... all the time...  As time goes by Phil starts to feel as though there's something out of place with Camilla, who isn't above using her sexuality to get her way...  This, in turn, turns Kate's investigation mode on, only to learn some dark and chilling, hard to believe, truths about their son's guardian...

I've never been a great fan of Friedkin's work, though I have to admit he has a magnificent eye for composition and iconic shots (the only thing which kept me awake through the yawn-fest that was The Exorcist - oh controversial).  In this film, he has extended his eye for composition into entire scene's and employed some effective lighting techniques, especially in the night time forest sequences.  This actually brings it out of the horror genre and into dark fantasy, which seems to fit the story and direction much better.  There is a lack of tension, suspense, and fear which are required to make a good horror film.  Even the gruesome effects are shot in such a way that they aren't exactly horrific or fear-inducing.  They are good and well done.  though Friedkin opts to quickly snap between the gore shots.  He even adds strange angles to them, which adds more to the fantasy genre and detracts from the horror.

This is a tale of old mythologies and tells of evil tree spirits who like nothing better than to eat the souls of newborns.  This could easily have been another run of the mill horror flick of the time but it is something more.  I just wish that Camilla's drive and reasoning behind her actions had been explained more.  This could only have made her character stronger and darker.  However,  Seagrove adds a nice sensuality and slyness to her... if this woman were an animal she would be the snake that tempted Adam and Eve.  Unfortunately, the rest of the cast is pretty average, especially the two lead characters, who are verging on two-dimensional stereotypicalness.  Even Miguel Ferrer, who I've always rated as a "one-to-watch" actor, appears underused and a tad flat.  Only Brad Hall as Ned Runcie comes across as a more rounded character.  This may be because his character has lots to do in the story; he's built the house they live in; he becomes their friend; he has a romantic interest in Camilla; he's the first to realise there's something not-quite-right with Camilla.  This gives him more depth and scope than the rest of the characters in the story.

The special effects are still viable today, the killings of the gang members, though filmed in a strange manner, is well done and looks realistic - given the circumstances.  Even the tree bark images and figures are chilling to see and reasonably lifelike, adding to the strength of the fantasy elements.

This doesn't work as a horror, though, if you're a fantasy fan and you prefer them with a darker edge then this will probably be up your street.  It's at least worth one viewing... but I'd wait until you've not got anything interesting to watch.

I give this Naughty Killer Nymphette a Sacrificial 6.25 out of 10.

The Trailer

Movie Review - Eat Locals

Eat Locals

2017

The Cast

Oh, dear, I had some big hopes for this flick.  For starters, it's written by Danny King, who was responsible for the witty Wild Bill (worth a watch) and directed by Jason Flemyng, who I've admired as an actor since his chilling lead role in George Romero's Bruiser.  I thought that if somebody could add a new take on the vampyre mythos then these could be the two to do it...  I have to admit they did try... but failed miserably.

So what's so bad?  It's full of great actors?  It's the entire concept which bothered me.  Vampire Overlords gathering together at a local farmhouse to discuss territory and quotas... so much for all-powerful beings who need to be feared.  These are the most boring undead I've ever witnessed.  It wouldn't have been too bad but both King and Flemyng spend too much time on this opening scene and idea.  Even when things could have raised the action up a notch, like finding out one of them was taking more than their share, it's handled in a dull and tiresome way.

Then when the army arrives, under the command of the church, I began to get my hopes up.  Though Flemyng does a wonderful job of filming, adding interesting camera shots and angles - he's even pretty good with the action and fight scenes, he's not too good at creating atmosphere and this only adds to the sense of tedium.  When the action finally heats up we are given a new vision of vampires.  Not as all-powerful but as quite weak and powerless individuals.  If you're wanting gore then there's very little in the film.  In fact, the most blood in this film is in the farmer's fridge... along with loads of body parts...  Sounds interesting, doesn't it(?)  However, the farmer is just another wasted opportunity.

Another thing that's wasted is the opportunities for comedy.  The scene where Alice (Crosbie) wobbles out on a zimmer frame to take on the soldiers offers a lot of possibilities for both verbal and sight gags.  However, what we get is a week killing and a cut away to another scene, only to later return to find Alice has been slain.

And this is another letdown of the film.  There are too many cut-aways.  I don't mind when a director uses this as a way to cut down on gore.  When handled correctly this style of filmmaking forces the audience to use their imagination, which usually is better than the filmmaker can provide.  However, Flemyng doesn't just cut at gore and this gives the film a disjointed feel.  The above scene, I mentioned, left me feeling unsatisfied.

It's the actors that add the power and interest to the film.  Even though their characters are lacking in appeal and are two-dimensional in structure they do breath a spark into them.  It's just a shame that we don't get more of the Farmer, Mr Thatcher as I think Fletcher does a brilliant job with him.  Eve Myles tries to Vamp it up as Vanessa but doesn't quite come across sexy enough - close though.  Then you have the likes of Tony Curran as Boniface, Mackenzie Cook as Larousse, and Annette Crosbie as Alice... all of which are underused.

So what we have is a nicely directed and well acted mostly dull and boring story.  The entire thing would do well with a complete overhaul.  The idea is strong and sound it just needed handling better, especially with the horror and comedic elements.

I wouldn't recommend this to anyone who likes vampires or horror movies to rush out and grab a copy.  Wait for it to come onto telly... and then, only if there's nothing else worth watching.

I give this a Yawn-and-Stretch of a Biteless and Bloodless 5.5 out of 10.

The Trailer

Movie Review - Carnival Of Souls

Carnival Of Souls

1962

The Cast

This is one strange little weird film, which balances between the brilliant and the awful.  Though this is listed as a Horror flick it's more like a Dark Fantasy as there's no real horror here.

I really liked the story.  A girl, Mary (Hilligoss), involved in a fatal drag race is the sole survivor of the accident where the car she's travelling in crashes off a bridge... only she emerges from the river, a long time after the accident.  After her recovery, she leaves the town to take up a new job as a church organist.  However, there's a strange force lurking in her new home and it's quite shortly after she begins to believe she was surely drawn there...  for some dark reason.

What makes this a great movie is the direction.  Though the majority of the film is shot in a fairly standard style, it's when the apparitions start to appear where it starts to get interesting.  Herk Harvey does a good job of creating an eerie atmosphere.  His style had me reminiscing about Nosferatu and The Cabinet Of Dr Caligari.  Even the way that the spirits move and act is very striking.  They never speak and they actually move in a similar fashion to actors in the old silent movies.  This has the element of adding a strangeness to the scene and it works well.

Then there's the story.  I particularly liked the scene where Mary walks around the abandoned carnival.  There's one section where she looks at and stands in front of a billboard... the woman on the add bears a striking resemblance to Mary.  This adds to the strange atmosphere, which makes the film stronger.

The only real drawback is the lead actress Candace Hilligoss who is so over the top hammy she quite nearly kills the film by herself.  This type of acting works brilliantly for the spirits and adds to the power of the movie.  However, in reality, where everybody else is normal this appears very poor.  It's a shame that she's in the majority of the film.  Had this role been given to a finer actress or she had been directed better this movie would have been so much improved.

If you've not seen this one yet then I'd recommend you check it out.  I'd also implore you to check out Nosferatu and The Cabinet Of Dr Caligari also.  If you liked this film you would love them.

I give this a Darkly Pleasing And An Eerily Spooky 5.75 out of 10. 

The Trailer

Movie Review - The Last Witch Hunter

The Last Witch Hunter

2015

The Cast

Riddick in the light... 'ish...

So way back when witches roamed the land so did Witch Hunters.  Kaulder (Diesel) and his gang are hinting the Witch Queen who is intent on the destruction of the human race.  The battle between Queen and mortals is fast and furious with everyone but Kaulder and the Queen being slain.  In a last ditched attempt, Kaulder attacks and runs her through with his sword of fire.  However, as witches are accustomed, she doesn't die easily... she curses Kaulder to immortality.  However, judging by the notches on his bedpost this curse has backfired on the witch because it looks like he's enjoying life... not only does he have the women, but he has his own toys, fast cars, and a penthouse... when can I get cursed that bad(?)

So this is pretty much a Vin Diesel vehicle and to be honest, it's kinda like Riddick without the contact lenses.  There's at least an air of a mystery in the story, something is happening in the magic community and it's not good.  What's happening?  Who's behind it?  What's the twist?  All good questions, though all, are pretty easy to figure out.  Mainly, because it's all been done before and maybe they didn't want to get too complicated and confusing as the film is aimed at a 12A audience.  Any adult should know where this story is going and all the twist reveals well in advance of their actual reveal.

Vin Diesel once again does a great job at being Vin Diesel... I would love to see him stretch his acting wings to take in a few more characterisations... or is he gonna be like Bruce Willis stuck in a rut being John McClane in every film he does?  Can anybody remember when he was Hudson Hawk...  But I digress, then you have Rose Leslie as Chloe... she's a strange one as sometimes she's great, then at others, a lump of wood.  Similar can also be said for Elijah Wood as Dolan 37th (shouldn't that be The 37th Dolan or Dolan 37?).  Most of the time he's on screen he gives out an appearance of uncaring.  It's like he didn't want to be there.  Other than Diesel, the only other actors who do well with their characters are Olafsson as Belial, brilliant as the hulk of a warlock, who is certain of his power and his mission.  Michael Caine as Dolan 36th, a cheeky priest who has befriended Kaulder over his tenure.  

However, it's the direction, the special effects, and action scenes that will keep the audience entertained the most.  Eisner is a good director and uses both camera shots, angles, pans, and lighting to his best advantage.  It's also nice that he decided to keep the dark subterranean scenes well lit so you can see the action.  It's also refreshing that in the action scenes he doesn't always opt for shaky cam.  But, uses quick pans and cuts to add speed, tension, and excitement... phew, no seasickness pills needed.

If the story had been stronger and some of the characters slightly upgraded it would have made this a much better venture.  As it is, it's a leave your brain by the door, magical slobber knocker.  Not too bad a way to waste an hour and a half... though if you're looking for original, this isn't it... or thought-provoking.

I would recommend this to all viewers who want a not-all-together mindless entertainment.  It's a one watch movie.

I give this a magical curse of 6.25 out of 10.

The Trailer

Free Kindle Dark Fantasy Novella

Sinful Cinderella

Dark Fairy Tale Queen - Book 1

By Anita Valle

And you thought the stepsisters were wicked....

I'm not who they think I am. A docile girl who meekly obeys her stepmother and stepsisters. Some kind of sick angel who cheerfully bears their mistreatment. That's what I WANT them to think. Because then they won't suspect what I'm really up to.

The ball, the prince - it's all part of my plan to come out on top. Stepmother and her demented daughters will pay for every floor I have scoured, every sneer I have borne. They don't know about the white magic, how I use it to enhance myself. They can't see that my heart is black as midnight, rotten as a poisoned apple.

They're about to find out.

Book Details

Length: Approx. 150 pages

Genre: Dark Fantasy

Mood: Dark / Humorous

Content: Moderate violence. A few mild sexual references. No sex scenes or erotica.

Audience: Teens and Adults

Author's Note:

This book has all the elements of the classic Cinderella story: the wicked stepsisters, the fairy godmother, the glass slipper, the charming prince. But it's all told by an evil Cinderella who's determined to be the next queen. If you like fractured fairy tale retellings, this is a fast and entertaining read. Very popular with teens and young adults but also a good fairy tale for adults and anyone who likes dark fantasy. Sinful Cinderella is the first book in The Dark Fairy Tale Queen Series, followed by Sneaky Snow White and coming soon: Rotten Rapunzel! I hope you enjoy these "Grimm" fairy tales retold from a darker point of view.

Other books by Anita Valle

SNEAKY SNOW WHITE: Dark Fairy Tale Queen Series - Book 2

ROTTEN RAPUNZEL: Dark Fairy Tale Queen Series - Book 3 (Coming Soon!)

MAELYN: The Nine Princesses Book 1 (FREE)

CORALINA: The Nine Princesses Book 2

HEIDEL: The Nine Princesses Book 3

BRIETTE: The Nine Princesses Book 4

MONSTER MANOR (A novel for kids)

Click Here To Collect

Movie Review - Ghost Rider: Spirit Of Vengeance

Ghost Rider: Spirit Of Vengeance

(2011)

Columbia Pictures / Hyde Park Entertainment / Marvel Entertainment /Avi Arad Productions / Marvel Knights : Warner Bros / Sony Pictures Home Entertainment

5.25 / 10

This is the apotheosis of a hit and miss movie.  There are as many things wrong with it as there are right.

The most disturbing factor in the movie is Nicholas Cage's acting.  He doesn't even appear to be playing himself (as is the case with most of his movies).  For the entire movie, you get the feeling he would rather be elsewhere as his performance appears lackadaisical.  There's no conveyance of any character and no chemistry between Cage / Johnny Blaze and any of the others involved.

Then there are the soul-taking sequences.  These are way too long.  By the time the Ghost Rider starts to pull out a soul and actually remove it from its body completely, the bad guys have enough time to, get in their vehicles and drive to the nearest army base... overthrow the soldiers... hack into the weapons room... decrypt the nuclear missile codes... and launch them at The Rider... as I said, way too long.  These scenes verge on the ridiculous and I nearly turned off at this point.

Which would have been a shame because I would've missed some of the good things about this movie.  The concept of whatever The Rider rides becomes his hell on wheels is inspired as this allows for the transformation of a van and a drilling machine.  These are pretty awesome scenes.  The last chase scene is pretty decent and packed with action.

It was also pretty nice to see Christopher Lambert as the mad monk Methodius.

Apart from Nicholas Cage, the rest of the cast were okay.  Not outstanding by any means.  Though the strongest actor was Idris Elba as Moreau, and even he wasn't at his best.  This could have been down to the direction of Mark Neveldine and Brian Taylor, who did a great job of all the action sequences but weren't too hot when handling the acting and there are too many sequences that feel "thrown in".

If you enjoyed the first Ghost Rider movie or enjoy the Comic Books then you may enjoy this but I would not recommend it to anybody who wasn't a fan of The Ghost Rider.

Movie Review - Red Riding Hood

Red Riding Hood

(2011)

Warner Bros / Appian Way / Random Films : Warner Home Video

8 / 10

This is a nice update on the "Little Red Riding Hood" fairie tale.  Instead of a wolf terrorising the local village we have a werewolf.  This adds the dimension of mystery to the tale for who could be the dreaded werewolf.  The writer David Leslie Johnson and director Catherine Hardwicke do a fantastic job of playing people off people and putting them into situations where you can never quite figure out who the killer is.  This makes for quite an enjoyable movie which the audience can have a stake in; there's not many of those around today.

I also liked the fact that the writer and director kept the story in the faerie tale spirit.  The setting of the Ye Olde Village is brilliant, it gives a close knitted community that, pretty much, lives in each other's pockets.  So when it's revealed by Solomon, played by Gary Oldman, that the beast could be one of them a personal fear and distrust of neighbours starts to spread.  There is something very haunting about the village and the surrounding forest as it stands upon a bed of snow, which constantly falls from the overcast sky.  All of this just adds layers upon layers to the film making it stronger.

On the whole, I loved this film, though there are a few drawbacks which made it drop a few points.  

I don't understand why Oldman tried to do a German / Bavarian accent as the rest of the cast didn't bother.  The worst of it was, his accent kept slipping and this became annoying.

Most of the cast were excellent in their parts giving believable performances.  Though there were times when both Max Irons, who played Henry, and Julie Christie, as Grandmother, came across as lacking in substance... sometimes Henry just looked doped up... and Grandmother was as wooden as her luxurious forest home.

Then there was the music at the celebration of the killing of the beast.  We heard modern rhythms and instruments (especially synthesisers) when the musicians were playing horns and drums.  Also, the dance we see between Valerie (Amanda Seyfried) and her friend Prudence (Kacey Rohl) wouldn't be out of place in today's nightclubs... but probably not for a religious community. 

Lastly, the main sections of the story that people know and love - "Oh Grandma, what big eyes you have" and the wolf in grandma's clothing.  These are taken as two separate scenes, which I can understand, though they appear to have been thrown into the story and film and this is a waste as they are pivotal to the original story and should have been used better to draw the audience further into the tale.  I hate waste and this was an extreme waste of a good idea.

This is a beautifully written, shot, and acted film that I would recommend to all as there are elements of mystery, thriller, horror, and fantasy, as well as a pretty decent love story.  Worth a watch at least once.

Movie Review - The Babadook

The Babadook (2014)

Screen Australia / The South Austrailian Film Corporation / Entertainment One :  IFC Midnight / ICON Film Distribution

3 / 10

This is one of those films where you shouldn't believe the hype.  After all I'd heard and read about this movie I was really looking forward to it.  However, while viewing I soon became aware this was not going to live up to its publicity... and it didn't... it fell woefully short.

Here you have a story of a single widowed mother and her peculiar son who are going through life in a stagnant haze.  Her son, Samuel (played by Noah Wiseman) is an intelligent child who has a knack for constructing weapons, for which he is reprimanded at school.  Samuel is a solitary child who finds it hard to make friends and keep them.  He also has a temper that makes him violent, both physically and vocally, when he's confronted.

Samuels mother, Amelia (played by Essie Davis) works at a care home and dealing with the close to death cronies has its effect on her.  She holds onto the memories of her seven-year dead husband, Oskar, in a proverbial death grip, even her own sister has given up on her.  Amelia won't let Samuel have his birthday on the date of his birth as Oskar died driving her to the hospital.

Even before the Babadook rears its head, the family is troubled and broken.  This should lead to well-rounded and deep characterisations.  Instead of this, we get depressed and moody bad parenting from Amelia and shouty stomping belligerence from Samuel.  This makes for two very unlikeable characters.  If the viewer cannot sympathise, empathise, or in some little way, relate to the main characters then the story and film will not hold their attention... it failed to hold mine... and to be bluntly truthful, I was only watching in the hopes that the Babadook had its evil way with them...  I was upset when it didn't.

These two characters are both worse than the snot filled blubbering idiot in The Blair Witch Project.

The there's the story, which in my eyes, tries to say and be too much.  It's not sure if it's horror, there are elements of horror in here, though too little for me to put it in the genre.  There's drama with all the elements of relationships in tribulation.  The film would've been a lot better if some of these elements had been trimmed back and some removed altogether, and the director chose a direction in which to take the film.

So that's what's wrong with the film in my opinion.

So what was right?

The acting from Essie Davis was pretty good especially, later in the film, when her temperament instantly changes.  This sent a chill up and down my spine.  Noah Wiseman was brilliant in the son's role.  I cannot fault the actors, the fault lies with story and direction, which falls on the head of Jennifer Kent who wrote and directed.

That said, apart from the direction of the characters and the story the film was well directed, and at times gave a few chills with prolonged shots of opened wardrobes and corners of rooms, where clothes were hung; the tension created was palpable.  So we know that she can direct.  Maybe she should've given the story synopsis, which was brilliant and well thought out, over to a writer!  I say this as the ending of this movie is why I've placed this into a Dark Fantasy, that and the reason of the Babadook ending up being wimpy (sorry for the spoiler) - this was the biggest let-down of all... a horror movie that tells you there's really nothing to be scared of.

I wouldn't recommend anybody watching this film; there's nothing to get out of it.  By the end, I was disheartened.

Movie Review - Gallow Walkers

Gallow Walkers (2012)

Boundless Pictures; Jack Bowyer Productions

6 / 10

*** Slight Spoilers ***

This is a Dark Fantasy Western and not a Horror as stated, as the writer and director decided to leave terror, fear, and tension to one side, though they keep in the gore.  Had they decided to go down the Horror route it may have made the film better.  Here you have a man whose love was brutalised, raped, and murdered.  When he finally catches up with the killers he takes his revenge out on them.  Unfortunately, the dead come back... each time he kills them.

The undead, the Gallow Walkers, are not your usual fodder.  They are not Zombies but rather revenants.  When they are revived their skin is rotting away or, in one case, flayed off the face by the Anti-hero Aman (portrayed by Wesley Snipes).  This means they need to skin people to restore their human features, though they don't last as the flesh keeps rotting.  This could have been played on a little more though there is a good bit about half way through the film.

I love the premise of The Gallow Walkers, as I was thinking of a story along similar lines.  I just think that it could have been filled out a little more.  Though the twist, played nice and subtly, was a good idea and cleared up some of the issues I had with his revenge plan.

The acting was good, especially Wesley Snipes (though he's not at his best), Kevin Howarth, and Hector Hugo.  The only average actor in the cast is Riley Smith, who just seemed two-dimensional, and grated on my nerves a couple of times.

The direction is pretty decent and there are some really nice close-up shots of holstered six-shooters, brim shadowed faces and panoramic desert shots; some of these are close to beautiful.  For the film to fit the one and a half hour running time the director, Andrew Goth, slow burns the movie.  This for some viewers would be enough to dislike the film.  I didn't mind it too much as it added a little more atmosphere,  There were a couple of times where it was done to create tension, though it fails both times and this lets the film down.  When there's going to be a shootout then you need a little tension.

I really liked the way the movie was filmed and wrote to be, in bright sunlight as the location is a North American desert.  This is another reason why a Horror film could've been a better choice, there are not too many Horror movies that take place in the full sunshine.  Directors like to use the fear of the dark and the shadows to hide some supernatural terror, it's much harder to scare someone in daylight.  It would've added to the originality of the film.

If you're a Wesley Snipes fan and there's not too much to do then you could give this a whirl.

I enjoyed it though I did think it could have been better in a few places.