Movie Review - The Guardian

The Guardian

1990

The Cast

When Phil (Brown) and Kate (Lowell) fall pregnant after buying a new house they decide to hire a nanny for when the baby is born.  Unfortunately, their first choice is killed by a hit and run driver while she's on a bike ride.  Though, luckily for them, the agency send round a replacement.  Camilla (Seagrove) is a stunning English nanny who is only too happy to look after baby Jake... any time... all the time...  As time goes by Phil starts to feel as though there's something out of place with Camilla, who isn't above using her sexuality to get her way...  This, in turn, turns Kate's investigation mode on, only to learn some dark and chilling, hard to believe, truths about their son's guardian...

I've never been a great fan of Friedkin's work, though I have to admit he has a magnificent eye for composition and iconic shots (the only thing which kept me awake through the yawn-fest that was The Exorcist - oh controversial).  In this film, he has extended his eye for composition into entire scene's and employed some effective lighting techniques, especially in the night time forest sequences.  This actually brings it out of the horror genre and into dark fantasy, which seems to fit the story and direction much better.  There is a lack of tension, suspense, and fear which are required to make a good horror film.  Even the gruesome effects are shot in such a way that they aren't exactly horrific or fear-inducing.  They are good and well done.  though Friedkin opts to quickly snap between the gore shots.  He even adds strange angles to them, which adds more to the fantasy genre and detracts from the horror.

This is a tale of old mythologies and tells of evil tree spirits who like nothing better than to eat the souls of newborns.  This could easily have been another run of the mill horror flick of the time but it is something more.  I just wish that Camilla's drive and reasoning behind her actions had been explained more.  This could only have made her character stronger and darker.  However,  Seagrove adds a nice sensuality and slyness to her... if this woman were an animal she would be the snake that tempted Adam and Eve.  Unfortunately, the rest of the cast is pretty average, especially the two lead characters, who are verging on two-dimensional stereotypicalness.  Even Miguel Ferrer, who I've always rated as a "one-to-watch" actor, appears underused and a tad flat.  Only Brad Hall as Ned Runcie comes across as a more rounded character.  This may be because his character has lots to do in the story; he's built the house they live in; he becomes their friend; he has a romantic interest in Camilla; he's the first to realise there's something not-quite-right with Camilla.  This gives him more depth and scope than the rest of the characters in the story.

The special effects are still viable today, the killings of the gang members, though filmed in a strange manner, is well done and looks realistic - given the circumstances.  Even the tree bark images and figures are chilling to see and reasonably lifelike, adding to the strength of the fantasy elements.

This doesn't work as a horror, though, if you're a fantasy fan and you prefer them with a darker edge then this will probably be up your street.  It's at least worth one viewing... but I'd wait until you've not got anything interesting to watch.

I give this Naughty Killer Nymphette a Sacrificial 6.25 out of 10.

The Trailer

Movie Review - Eat Locals

Eat Locals

2017

The Cast

Oh, dear, I had some big hopes for this flick.  For starters, it's written by Danny King, who was responsible for the witty Wild Bill (worth a watch) and directed by Jason Flemyng, who I've admired as an actor since his chilling lead role in George Romero's Bruiser.  I thought that if somebody could add a new take on the vampyre mythos then these could be the two to do it...  I have to admit they did try... but failed miserably.

So what's so bad?  It's full of great actors?  It's the entire concept which bothered me.  Vampire Overlords gathering together at a local farmhouse to discuss territory and quotas... so much for all-powerful beings who need to be feared.  These are the most boring undead I've ever witnessed.  It wouldn't have been too bad but both King and Flemyng spend too much time on this opening scene and idea.  Even when things could have raised the action up a notch, like finding out one of them was taking more than their share, it's handled in a dull and tiresome way.

Then when the army arrives, under the command of the church, I began to get my hopes up.  Though Flemyng does a wonderful job of filming, adding interesting camera shots and angles - he's even pretty good with the action and fight scenes, he's not too good at creating atmosphere and this only adds to the sense of tedium.  When the action finally heats up we are given a new vision of vampires.  Not as all-powerful but as quite weak and powerless individuals.  If you're wanting gore then there's very little in the film.  In fact, the most blood in this film is in the farmer's fridge... along with loads of body parts...  Sounds interesting, doesn't it(?)  However, the farmer is just another wasted opportunity.

Another thing that's wasted is the opportunities for comedy.  The scene where Alice (Crosbie) wobbles out on a zimmer frame to take on the soldiers offers a lot of possibilities for both verbal and sight gags.  However, what we get is a week killing and a cut away to another scene, only to later return to find Alice has been slain.

And this is another letdown of the film.  There are too many cut-aways.  I don't mind when a director uses this as a way to cut down on gore.  When handled correctly this style of filmmaking forces the audience to use their imagination, which usually is better than the filmmaker can provide.  However, Flemyng doesn't just cut at gore and this gives the film a disjointed feel.  The above scene, I mentioned, left me feeling unsatisfied.

It's the actors that add the power and interest to the film.  Even though their characters are lacking in appeal and are two-dimensional in structure they do breath a spark into them.  It's just a shame that we don't get more of the Farmer, Mr Thatcher as I think Fletcher does a brilliant job with him.  Eve Myles tries to Vamp it up as Vanessa but doesn't quite come across sexy enough - close though.  Then you have the likes of Tony Curran as Boniface, Mackenzie Cook as Larousse, and Annette Crosbie as Alice... all of which are underused.

So what we have is a nicely directed and well acted mostly dull and boring story.  The entire thing would do well with a complete overhaul.  The idea is strong and sound it just needed handling better, especially with the horror and comedic elements.

I wouldn't recommend this to anyone who likes vampires or horror movies to rush out and grab a copy.  Wait for it to come onto telly... and then, only if there's nothing else worth watching.

I give this a Yawn-and-Stretch of a Biteless and Bloodless 5.5 out of 10.

The Trailer

Movie Review - Carnival Of Souls

Carnival Of Souls

1962

The Cast

This is one strange little weird film, which balances between the brilliant and the awful.  Though this is listed as a Horror flick it's more like a Dark Fantasy as there's no real horror here.

I really liked the story.  A girl, Mary (Hilligoss), involved in a fatal drag race is the sole survivor of the accident where the car she's travelling in crashes off a bridge... only she emerges from the river, a long time after the accident.  After her recovery, she leaves the town to take up a new job as a church organist.  However, there's a strange force lurking in her new home and it's quite shortly after she begins to believe she was surely drawn there...  for some dark reason.

What makes this a great movie is the direction.  Though the majority of the film is shot in a fairly standard style, it's when the apparitions start to appear where it starts to get interesting.  Herk Harvey does a good job of creating an eerie atmosphere.  His style had me reminiscing about Nosferatu and The Cabinet Of Dr Caligari.  Even the way that the spirits move and act is very striking.  They never speak and they actually move in a similar fashion to actors in the old silent movies.  This has the element of adding a strangeness to the scene and it works well.

Then there's the story.  I particularly liked the scene where Mary walks around the abandoned carnival.  There's one section where she looks at and stands in front of a billboard... the woman on the add bears a striking resemblance to Mary.  This adds to the strange atmosphere, which makes the film stronger.

The only real drawback is the lead actress Candace Hilligoss who is so over the top hammy she quite nearly kills the film by herself.  This type of acting works brilliantly for the spirits and adds to the power of the movie.  However, in reality, where everybody else is normal this appears very poor.  It's a shame that she's in the majority of the film.  Had this role been given to a finer actress or she had been directed better this movie would have been so much improved.

If you've not seen this one yet then I'd recommend you check it out.  I'd also implore you to check out Nosferatu and The Cabinet Of Dr Caligari also.  If you liked this film you would love them.

I give this a Darkly Pleasing And An Eerily Spooky 5.75 out of 10. 

The Trailer

Movie Review - The Last Witch Hunter

The Last Witch Hunter

2015

The Cast

Riddick in the light... 'ish...

So way back when witches roamed the land so did Witch Hunters.  Kaulder (Diesel) and his gang are hinting the Witch Queen who is intent on the destruction of the human race.  The battle between Queen and mortals is fast and furious with everyone but Kaulder and the Queen being slain.  In a last ditched attempt, Kaulder attacks and runs her through with his sword of fire.  However, as witches are accustomed, she doesn't die easily... she curses Kaulder to immortality.  However, judging by the notches on his bedpost this curse has backfired on the witch because it looks like he's enjoying life... not only does he have the women, but he has his own toys, fast cars, and a penthouse... when can I get cursed that bad(?)

So this is pretty much a Vin Diesel vehicle and to be honest, it's kinda like Riddick without the contact lenses.  There's at least an air of a mystery in the story, something is happening in the magic community and it's not good.  What's happening?  Who's behind it?  What's the twist?  All good questions, though all, are pretty easy to figure out.  Mainly, because it's all been done before and maybe they didn't want to get too complicated and confusing as the film is aimed at a 12A audience.  Any adult should know where this story is going and all the twist reveals well in advance of their actual reveal.

Vin Diesel once again does a great job at being Vin Diesel... I would love to see him stretch his acting wings to take in a few more characterisations... or is he gonna be like Bruce Willis stuck in a rut being John McClane in every film he does?  Can anybody remember when he was Hudson Hawk...  But I digress, then you have Rose Leslie as Chloe... she's a strange one as sometimes she's great, then at others, a lump of wood.  Similar can also be said for Elijah Wood as Dolan 37th (shouldn't that be The 37th Dolan or Dolan 37?).  Most of the time he's on screen he gives out an appearance of uncaring.  It's like he didn't want to be there.  Other than Diesel, the only other actors who do well with their characters are Olafsson as Belial, brilliant as the hulk of a warlock, who is certain of his power and his mission.  Michael Caine as Dolan 36th, a cheeky priest who has befriended Kaulder over his tenure.  

However, it's the direction, the special effects, and action scenes that will keep the audience entertained the most.  Eisner is a good director and uses both camera shots, angles, pans, and lighting to his best advantage.  It's also nice that he decided to keep the dark subterranean scenes well lit so you can see the action.  It's also refreshing that in the action scenes he doesn't always opt for shaky cam.  But, uses quick pans and cuts to add speed, tension, and excitement... phew, no seasickness pills needed.

If the story had been stronger and some of the characters slightly upgraded it would have made this a much better venture.  As it is, it's a leave your brain by the door, magical slobber knocker.  Not too bad a way to waste an hour and a half... though if you're looking for original, this isn't it... or thought-provoking.

I would recommend this to all viewers who want a not-all-together mindless entertainment.  It's a one watch movie.

I give this a magical curse of 6.25 out of 10.

The Trailer

Free Kindle Dark Fantasy Novella

Sinful Cinderella

Dark Fairy Tale Queen - Book 1

By Anita Valle

And you thought the stepsisters were wicked....

I'm not who they think I am. A docile girl who meekly obeys her stepmother and stepsisters. Some kind of sick angel who cheerfully bears their mistreatment. That's what I WANT them to think. Because then they won't suspect what I'm really up to.

The ball, the prince - it's all part of my plan to come out on top. Stepmother and her demented daughters will pay for every floor I have scoured, every sneer I have borne. They don't know about the white magic, how I use it to enhance myself. They can't see that my heart is black as midnight, rotten as a poisoned apple.

They're about to find out.

Book Details

Length: Approx. 150 pages

Genre: Dark Fantasy

Mood: Dark / Humorous

Content: Moderate violence. A few mild sexual references. No sex scenes or erotica.

Audience: Teens and Adults

Author's Note:

This book has all the elements of the classic Cinderella story: the wicked stepsisters, the fairy godmother, the glass slipper, the charming prince. But it's all told by an evil Cinderella who's determined to be the next queen. If you like fractured fairy tale retellings, this is a fast and entertaining read. Very popular with teens and young adults but also a good fairy tale for adults and anyone who likes dark fantasy. Sinful Cinderella is the first book in The Dark Fairy Tale Queen Series, followed by Sneaky Snow White and coming soon: Rotten Rapunzel! I hope you enjoy these "Grimm" fairy tales retold from a darker point of view.

Other books by Anita Valle

SNEAKY SNOW WHITE: Dark Fairy Tale Queen Series - Book 2

ROTTEN RAPUNZEL: Dark Fairy Tale Queen Series - Book 3 (Coming Soon!)

MAELYN: The Nine Princesses Book 1 (FREE)

CORALINA: The Nine Princesses Book 2

HEIDEL: The Nine Princesses Book 3

BRIETTE: The Nine Princesses Book 4

MONSTER MANOR (A novel for kids)

Click Here To Collect

Video Nasty - Possession

Possession

(1981)

Gaumont / Oliane Productions / Marianne Productions / Soma Film Produktion : Anchor Bay Entertainment / VTC Entertainment

4 / 10

Back in the days, directors like Andrzej Zulawski (who also wrote the story and screenplay) were still able to experiment and this movie is one of those experiments.  Unfortunately today it no longer holds it's power.  It just seems to be strange, awkward, annoying, and presumptuous.

Both of the main actors are strong in their characters and roles.  Sam Neill is Mark, who comes back to his wife after being away for months on work.  He returns to find things have changed.  His wife has been having an affair and now wants a divorce while seeming to be in the grip of a mental breakdown.  This sets Mark on his own course of mental illness and Neill does a good job of portraying anxiety and depression.

Isabelle Adjani as Marks wife Anna is, for the most part, brilliant at portraying her character's breakdown.  She rushes about agitated, unable to complete even one simple task.

Though the actors do exemplary jobs it's Zulawski that makes their illnesses a weakness to the film by overplaying them.  There is just too much of them "spazzing" (Sorry for not being PC but when you watch the film you may forgive me) out to create a relatable atmosphere.

Then with the unveiling of Anna's lover, the truly unbelievable self-righteous and pompous Heinrich, superbly over-acted by Heinz Bennent, that the film falls further into implausibility. 

The only realistic anchors in the film are the secondary characters, such as Heinrich's mother played with feeling by Johanna Hofer and Anna's friend Margit Carstensen portrayed by Margit Gluckmeister.

Having said that, Zulawski does an impressive job of creating an unease through all the insanity.  You get the feeling that there's something more, something darker, which is bothering Anna and Mark.  When this is finally revealed the revelation is startling and is the reason why this was originally banned.  It also shows why Carlo Rambaldi was one of the great special FX artists.

This is a long two hours and four minutes.  There are sequences that didn't need to be so long, and others that didn't even need to be in at all.  Had this been at least fifteen to thirty minutes shorter with tighter direction, it may have lasted the time and be relevant today as it was then.

I enjoyed parts of this film and loathed others.  Because I didn't love any part of the film I cannot recommend for people to view.  There are better wastes of time out there.

Had I Watched The Trailer I Probably Wouldn't Have Watched The Movie,,,

Movie Review - Ghost Rider: Spirit Of Vengeance

Ghost Rider: Spirit Of Vengeance

(2011)

Columbia Pictures / Hyde Park Entertainment / Marvel Entertainment /Avi Arad Productions / Marvel Knights : Warner Bros / Sony Pictures Home Entertainment

5.25 / 10

This is the apotheosis of a hit and miss movie.  There are as many things wrong with it as there are right.

The most disturbing factor in the movie is Nicholas Cage's acting.  He doesn't even appear to be playing himself (as is the case with most of his movies).  For the entire movie, you get the feeling he would rather be elsewhere as his performance appears lackadaisical.  There's no conveyance of any character and no chemistry between Cage / Johnny Blaze and any of the others involved.

Then there are the soul-taking sequences.  These are way too long.  By the time the Ghost Rider starts to pull out a soul and actually remove it from its body completely, the bad guys have enough time to, get in their vehicles and drive to the nearest army base... overthrow the soldiers... hack into the weapons room... decrypt the nuclear missile codes... and launch them at The Rider... as I said, way too long.  These scenes verge on the ridiculous and I nearly turned off at this point.

Which would have been a shame because I would've missed some of the good things about this movie.  The concept of whatever The Rider rides becomes his hell on wheels is inspired as this allows for the transformation of a van and a drilling machine.  These are pretty awesome scenes.  The last chase scene is pretty decent and packed with action.

It was also pretty nice to see Christopher Lambert as the mad monk Methodius.

Apart from Nicholas Cage, the rest of the cast were okay.  Not outstanding by any means.  Though the strongest actor was Idris Elba as Moreau, and even he wasn't at his best.  This could have been down to the direction of Mark Neveldine and Brian Taylor, who did a great job of all the action sequences but weren't too hot when handling the acting and there are too many sequences that feel "thrown in".

If you enjoyed the first Ghost Rider movie or enjoy the Comic Books then you may enjoy this but I would not recommend it to anybody who wasn't a fan of The Ghost Rider.